I FEEL SO SO BAD, YET I CAN TELL NO ONE.♥
When i felt so not right, actually i dont wish anyone to ask when i dont wish t mention. But on th other hand, i want people to comfort me. I know its too much that i am asking for, i took everyone for granted last time. I just fucking dont get what i deserve anymore, i deserve nothing more than "how are you?"
I dont wanna live my life like some desperate, wanting attention anymore. I really dont wanna be mocked at anymore, i can stay alive for myself and not depending other people's care/concern. Cause i start to pity myself so very much, i am like such a begger. Begging for you to care, to ask, to think about my feelings.
I hate to be like this, yes i envy others. Having all your attention and care, i think its so very late t be regretting what i did.
Major heartbreak, i feel sore.
AnyOhow, one thing i am happy with in life is that i have yvette and lovers around me. So very many of them, and all they did for me. I CAN NEVER REPAY! I hope that everyone could let me be so that i dont feel so pressurized cause i dont wanna let anyone down when i am not up t your expectation. I kinda sucks in everything, i tried once and i wanna give up already. Cause its so upsetting and i dont wanna continue this FU life.
I just wanna tell everyone that i love you all so very much, but when i dont meet you does not mean you are forgotten/left out/abandoned. Its just that certain things, i just wanna keep it t myself and i dont wanna hear any opinions when i am not in a clear state of mind. No Offence.
My life is in like 3pieces, First - Childhood till Pri6, Second - Mostloved(Sec Sch) & Third - Yvette (Motherhood).
Childhood Sucks with a daddy and therefore i have to keep everything t myself as my mom is uber strict and not very communicate-able.
Mostloved - Kinda complicated and i am such a bastard back then, i am just a fugly slut that make all th best person on earth suffer because of me.
Motherhood - Its so hard but sweet, tho i cant pursue what i wanted/who i wanted to be with because i have yvette. But this is my choice and i have t accept all kinds of reasons.
Anyhow,
this post is way too long and i am tired to continue as yvette is coughing. So i am gonna stop typing and go t sleep.